i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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