Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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