I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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