Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
