That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
