i think my mom watched the whole time
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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