I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
