There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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