make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
