He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
