Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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