Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
