Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
and she was petting her beer can
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
