I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
