I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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