I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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