I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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