On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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