All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
