Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
