Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
