never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
