He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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