What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
