it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
