you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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