I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
