so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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