you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
