Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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