but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
