you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just want to make out with him forever
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
