Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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