Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
