So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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