Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
