When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
