I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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