how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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