I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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