I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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