i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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