What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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