somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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