Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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