What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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