Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
