i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My ATM looks so different sober.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
