I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
