Christians are straight up FREAKS
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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