I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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