people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
