Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
