Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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